Audaciously Her

Lately, I have heard the word empowerment, I had never heard it louder in my life until I got here.

At first, I thought that was a thing for successful women, but not for me, since my entire life I lived surrounded by insecurities and self-sabotage that reached the point where I began to believe my own lies.

I always thought I never did things right, and I always thought I was anything but successful. Empowerment? What power? I didn’t feel empowered, but deep down, I wanted to feel like those women who showed their successful lives.

“I will never be that…” I thought when I arrived at my second home, a home that opened its doors to me and let me fly. My job at Toyota Guanajuato.

For as long as I can remember, I was always the one who tried harder, but it was never enough. I didn’t have the experience, nor the character, I cried from the helplessness of thinking that I couldn’t handle so much responsibility.

A woman at my age is supposed to have her life figured out, but I’ll tell you one thing, that’s not the case. Those were shoes that I refused to wear because I didn’t think I would fill them.

Within me, there was a hunger to create, to innovate and grow, but I simply didn’t think desire was enough.

When I achieved my first event, it was as if I felt like I was flying, that all those creative ideas that I had made in my mind became a reality. I felt very proud, but the reality is that it only lasted a few days because my insecurities immediately came to light.

“Don’t think too high of yourself, it was just luck…”

“No one knows who you really are… you are a failure…”

“You’re not going to make it…”

And so, it continued until I got the courage to continue.

Then, my second event arrived, and things started to move forward and a little more confident in myself, I began to believe that it was my effort and dedication. But, even so, I didn’t feel empowered, I didn’t think I was enough, and eventually, one day, everyone would realize that I was a failure.

On the outside, I was a woman who smiled, was kind and seemed strong, but I had days and nights of great anxiety, panic attacks, frustration, depression, and days where I wondered why I was still here, away from my family.

The love of my family and God helped me through it all, even now.

I still remember the conversations of two women who believed in me and made me try a little harder.

One told me, “You can’t give what you don’t have, you must love yourself, to love others…” What strong words because right at that moment I didn’t love myself. And then on a second occasion she told me, “You need to believe in yourself more, you don’t know the potential that is inside you…” And honestly, I want to thank her because her words motivated me in such a way that I began to believe that I really had the potential, that I could be successful and powerful. Thank you, because you saved me, and you didn’t even realize how your words marked me.

Another woman told me, “Don’t sabotage yourself, believe in yourself and be a leader…”

These are women who believed in me, so why was it so hard to believe in myself?

It is not easy to be an empowered woman because we really don’t know what we must sacrifice, give, and suffer along the way. Every woman carries her experiences that lead her to become a successful woman. No one can walk in someone else’s heels. Everyone walks in their own, but we must put them on very well, make sure they are not tight, make sure they are not loose, and, above all, we need to love our heels because they will be with us for the rest of our lives.

The only thing I do know is that I will use this word very wisely.

I want to be empowered, but what do I need to get there?

I want to be successful; how do I achieve it?

I may never know; however, I will continue to believe in myself, I will fight every day to stop self-sabotaging.

When I must face a challenge, I will not turn my back on it, but I will face it. There will be days and moments of failure, but I will see each one positively. I am not going to say that it is easy, because added to this, I must fight with my insecurities as a woman, with worries and with many things that are difficult in life.

I will keep walking, I will not stop, and even if I fall, I will struggle to get up, but I will do it. I always wish they had given us a manual when we were born that was titled “How to Live the Perfect Woman’s Life in 10 Steps.” It doesn’t exist, but I think it makes life more interesting.

These two years, up to this point, have been very good years, many changes, little by little reaping the fruit of my work. I met people who changed my life. I made new friends that I never thought would be my friends. I continue to work with extraordinary people who teach me important lessons every day, and I continue to work for a company that teaches one of the most important values, respect for people.

If you, as a woman, are going through this, we are in the same situation, however, I am sure of one thing, we need to take the first step. We must change because no one will do it for us. I decide to be successful, step by step, at my own pace, not following others’ standards, yet listening to advice.

I am not a victim; I am a woman and I have everything to succeed in this life.

Maya Angelou would say: “I am a Phenomenally woman. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.”

Cinthia Paola